OkCupid and Gender Roles and Gifs, Oh My!

Well, friends. Here's the long-awaited first post from the fourth contributor to WTCBA. I'm the roommate who helped spawn this whole thing, as referenced in the very first post from our Fearless Leader. As she alluded, I am freshly out of a LTR. Scouring the city of Chicago and the bowels of OkCupid for cute boys is my new modus operandi. It's weird and I have no idea WTF I'm doing or even WTF I'm trying to get out of this, but here I am and here goes my dignity, so whatev. I wasn't using it for anything anyway.  So I embark on my first blog post as I sit on my back porch, drinking a cosmo and smoking a cigarette and being all Sex and the City-like.

Like this, but lonelier.

Ladies, let me tell ya - we have so many misguided bits of dating wisdom thrown at us all the time. Thanks to our Fearless Leader, WTCBA readers should know well enough now that the old mantra of "putting yourself out there = cute boys asking for your number" is a blatant lie. There's still the pervasive image of men pursuing while women are pursued, but just going to a bar and being attractive in the presence of single men doesn't typically lead to much.

Here is another lie about gender dynamics constantly shoved down our throats, and my anecdotal counter-evidence since I've been back in "the game" (ugh, I hate calling it that). I also hate generalizing, so YMMV.

Women are relationship-driven. Men are sex-driven.

Let me tell you about Jim (not his real name).

Origin: OkCupid
Age: 25
Occupation: Student
Match Percent: 95

Jim was one of my first dates post-breakup. He was tall and goofy and liked good music and was a generally cool dude. We went to Guthrie's Tavern for beer and board games. I drank some Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale and beat the shit out of him at Scrabble. Overall a fun time at a good first-date bar.

We go back to his place, watch Arrested Development, drink more, and you can guess where it goes.

This is where it went.

Before the date even ended, Jim threw out the lesser L Word ("I really like you").  I was a little taken aback, but he was nice enough and fun enough so I agreed to go out with him again. Before we get to date number two, he invited me to meet all of his friends the very next weekend. I got a little scared and told him that I'm not looking for anything serious, and I even told him that I was super fresh out of a LTR (even noting that said LTR was three years long). He seemed understanding.

Date two was a movie date, and for the duration, he held my sweaty hand with his sweaty hand. I wanted to say "Dude, stop holding my hand and just make out with me or something." After the movie, we're walking along. He told me the invitation to meet his friends still stood, and was generally very relationship-y. Which I specifically told him I didn't want. Jim's response? "I'd rather have things be the way they are than not be with you at all."

I just couldn't.

I guess I did learn to better set some boundaries before someone gets comfortable with what they think I want.

Let's be real, dudes.

My takeaway for you ladies looking for cute boys is to just do your thang the way you do. Whether you're pursuing or being pursued, and whether you're forging physical connections or emotional ones, you do you.

Until next time,
Elizabeth