That's a Dealbreaker: An Ode to Liz Lemon

As my partner in crime recently implied, our goal of finding the cute boys is often reminiscent of Sex in the City. Objectively, Carrie Bradshaw should be my idol. She writes a dating column. Her closet is what dreams are made of. She's self-deprecating. She has a roster of ex's of which I have an equivalent for nearly each. For many of my single friends, Sex in the City is the Bible and Carrie Bradshaw is Moses, carrying down the commandments of dating down from the mountain top.

And yet, despite hours spent drinking cosmos and shoving microwave popcorn in my face while looking to Carrie for guidance, I can't relate to her plight. Carrie is effortlessly charming, beautiful, insightful, well-spoken, thoughtful.. and I... I am Liz Lemon.

From our shared definition of what constitutes a workout

And our shared coping mechanisms

Our #relationshipgoals

And our favorite pastime

No fictional character has had a greater impact on my dating habits than Liz Lemon. Maybe this explains my limited success in talking to strangers, achieving awareness of someone flirting with me, and my consistently poor judgment of character, but I remain grateful for the wisdom bestowed upon me. 

And so, with her as my inspiration, I have compiled my own list of behaviors that guarantee a left-swipe on Tinder, a block on OkCupid, and an express train to Break Up City. 

That's a deal-breaker 

1.  If your man shows up to a date wearing Pokemon apparel - that's a dealbreaker.
2.  If your man only buys your drink if it's a shot of Malort - that's a dealbreaker.
3.  If your man cries on the first date - that's a dealbreaker.
4.  If your man can't tell you the last time he read a book - that's a dealbreaker.
5.  If your man's idea of cooking is putting barbecue sauce on Velveeta mac & cheese - that's a dealbreaker.
6.  If your man only makes same-day plans with you - that's a dealbreaker.
7.  If your man still has his bills paid by his parents - that's a dealbreaker. 
8.  If your man thinks a 3-day weekend trip to Cleveland is the epitome of romance - that's a dealbreaker.
9.  If your man sleeps on a bare mattress without sheets - that's a dealbreaker.
10.  If your man gives you a noogie after you express your feelings to him - that's a dealbreaker. 
    
    
    What are some of your #dealbreakers? Share yours in the comments section, and remember, if any of those situations arise, take heed of Liz Lemon's advice and