It's a Small World After All: Week in Review

Hi, friends. After a long Memorial Day weekend out of town with family, this lady came back with full of WTCBA gusto. This post gets extra interesting because multiple aforementioned Bs are now familiar with the blog. If you're reading this, hi, boys!

I don't know about you folks, but every time I come across a coworker on either OkCupid or Tinder, after carefully reviewing their profile for every amusing detail, I promptly swipe left. I'd rather not complicate my work with life, nor my life with work. What's more difficult to avoid, however, is meeting someone online who is good friends with a coworker.

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Thursday

Peter* and I started chatting through OkCupid and arranged a date for last Thursday at the Edgewater Lounge, a neighborhood dive bar with a patio. He dropped his last name before we met, and I did what just about any crazy stalker curious person would do: Facebook creep. “Weird, Peter and I have two mutual friends! Huh, one is a coworker, and one is an old roommate from college.” Otherwise, his Facebook page was fairly private, so my creeping didn't uncover much else.

We meet, grab some beers, and sit on the patio to chat and enjoy the beautiful early summer evening. He asks where I work and I tell him. He asks if I know our mutual friend, and I have a really bad poker face. My mild Facebook creeping is revealed. (Also, he knows my old roommate through an ex). The date did go really well as we hopped dive bars the night away (additional stops were Simon's and Ollie's). More dates to transpire.

Friday

Friday night, Fearless Leader and I went on a WTCBA scouting mission. After being the lone single ladies in a crowd of dates at the Charleston, we move over to Danny's. We settle in at the bar with some shots and beers, and in walks a cute boy. Struck with a “he looks so familiar!”, I look at my recent Tinder messages and realize that this dude has to be Chris**. I message him on Tinder, and sure enough I was right. He doesn't figure out who I am initially, but eventually moseys up to the bar and says hi.

“Yeah, I'm with my friend who works with you! He was like, 'is the girl you're talking to named Elizabeth?'” Chris and my coworker went to high school together. Fearless Leader and I eventually part ways, and I proceeded to barhop along Milwaukee Ave. and get shitfaced with these guys.

Saturday

Saturday, after I slept away the bulk of my hangover, I go out for my first actual Tinder date. Kristopher** (not Kris) and I meet up, smoke a J, and get tacos. The tacos were hands down the best part of the date. Kristopher was cute enough, I suppose, but he didn't know how to stop talking even when he knew he was talking too much. He also had a total lack of self-confidence. I wasn't feeling it, and I think he could tell. We said farewell, and I went home to catch up on Game of Thrones and fall asleep on my couch.

Sunday

Sunday, I have a somewhat of a standing date with Chris** to watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones. I met him on OkCupid pretty early into my new-found singledom, and we've hung out quite a few times since. There was beer and pizza and the usual.

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If you've been keeping count, that makes a hat-trick of Chrises following a pair of coworkers'-friends over a period of four days. As they say, when it rains, it pours. But sometimes, the raindrop maybe is BFFs with someone you work with, or have the same name as some other raindrops you know. Life is weird like that.

*Not his real name
**Real name, because there were a jillion Chrises born in the '80s.

Until next time,
Elizabeth

You may now trip the bride

Last summer, in the recent glow of being single and free, I made a concerted effort to go out on as many dates that I could trick men into taking me on.

(Tip: The key to dating is to use tom-foolery to make people think you are just as interesting, witty, confident, carefree, educated, and vivacious as your online persona is).

My MPDG, whimsical dating persona is generally a hit with the fellas, and last summer, I had the pick of the litter.

I went out for drinks. I went out for dinner. I went for walks. I had coffee.

And then, as my schedule got tight and amusement with the typical grew weary, I received an enchanting first date offer: a wedding.

In retrospect, I can see the warning sign for this date in bright, flashing letters, but at the time I found it too intriguing to pass up. In assessing the wedding date proposal, the pros outweighed the cons.

The pros:
-Open bar
-Excuse to wear cocktail dress
-Ample opportunity for dancing
-Free snacks
-Opportunity to practice alternate identities (Call me Nadia.)
-Kind of romantic, in a pukey way

The cons:
-Answering the question 'How do you know the bride and groom?' with "I don't actually know anyone here, including my own date."
-In Pilsen.
-Dodging questions of my own intentions for marriage and children while surrounded by wedded bliss
-High potential for extreme awkwardness.

Going on this date seemed worth it if for nothing but the snacks - and the guy seemed like he'd be fun too. I wrangled myself into a dress I hadn't fit into since I was 19 and hopped a cab to Pilsen, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

The hills are alive with the sound of free booze.

Fitting into that dress was the only good thing to happen that night.

1. I arrived about twenty minutes before my date. I knew not the names of the newlyweds. I didn't even know my date's last name, but saw multiple placecards that had his very common first on it. So I went outside and pretended to take a phone call.

2. My date and I did not spend equal time grooming that day. By that, I mean he looked like a mountain man, and not in the lumbersexual way. Apparently he had moved that day and had worn his dress clothes to move because he was afraid of packing his dress clothes and not being able to find them. The stank. Oh. The stank.

3. Maybe he was tired from moving, but the man did not speak. I felt less slighted when I noticed that it wasn't just me - he also wasn't acknowledging any of the friends that came over to say hello.

4. When I asked how he knew the bride and groom, he explained that they were all from the same hometown and he had followed all his friends to Chicago because he didn't want to be alone. This saddened me. So I went and got myself a gin & tonic.

I returned to my date, drink in hand, and was ready to chug it and bolt when....

DANCING STARTED.

This man did not need words - he just needed the power of the Cupid Shuffle!

He grabbed my hand with confidence.

He swung me onto the dance floor.

WHIMSY. CHARM. ELEGANCE.

And whilst spinning me into him.... my drink flew out of my hand and onto the floor.

The floor which we were sharing with such persons like the bride.

The bride who boogied down. Down. Down to the floor because she had hydroplaned on the cocktail.

Congratulations on your special day.

It was not one of my finer moments.

After profuse apology, I shook hands with my date and departed on the long cab home to the northside.

I never heard from that date again, and since that evening, I found a new appreciation for traditional, old-fashioned first dates.... Like playing whiskey planes on the beach.

More to come,

-Fearless Leader

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OkCupid and Gender Roles and Gifs, Oh My!

Well, friends. Here's the long-awaited first post from the fourth contributor to WTCBA. I'm the roommate who helped spawn this whole thing, as referenced in the very first post from our Fearless Leader. As she alluded, I am freshly out of a LTR. Scouring the city of Chicago and the bowels of OkCupid for cute boys is my new modus operandi. It's weird and I have no idea WTF I'm doing or even WTF I'm trying to get out of this, but here I am and here goes my dignity, so whatev. I wasn't using it for anything anyway.  So I embark on my first blog post as I sit on my back porch, drinking a cosmo and smoking a cigarette and being all Sex and the City-like.

Like this, but lonelier.

Ladies, let me tell ya - we have so many misguided bits of dating wisdom thrown at us all the time. Thanks to our Fearless Leader, WTCBA readers should know well enough now that the old mantra of "putting yourself out there = cute boys asking for your number" is a blatant lie. There's still the pervasive image of men pursuing while women are pursued, but just going to a bar and being attractive in the presence of single men doesn't typically lead to much.

Here is another lie about gender dynamics constantly shoved down our throats, and my anecdotal counter-evidence since I've been back in "the game" (ugh, I hate calling it that). I also hate generalizing, so YMMV.

Women are relationship-driven. Men are sex-driven.

Let me tell you about Jim (not his real name).

Origin: OkCupid
Age: 25
Occupation: Student
Match Percent: 95

Jim was one of my first dates post-breakup. He was tall and goofy and liked good music and was a generally cool dude. We went to Guthrie's Tavern for beer and board games. I drank some Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale and beat the shit out of him at Scrabble. Overall a fun time at a good first-date bar.

We go back to his place, watch Arrested Development, drink more, and you can guess where it goes.

This is where it went.

Before the date even ended, Jim threw out the lesser L Word ("I really like you").  I was a little taken aback, but he was nice enough and fun enough so I agreed to go out with him again. Before we get to date number two, he invited me to meet all of his friends the very next weekend. I got a little scared and told him that I'm not looking for anything serious, and I even told him that I was super fresh out of a LTR (even noting that said LTR was three years long). He seemed understanding.

Date two was a movie date, and for the duration, he held my sweaty hand with his sweaty hand. I wanted to say "Dude, stop holding my hand and just make out with me or something." After the movie, we're walking along. He told me the invitation to meet his friends still stood, and was generally very relationship-y. Which I specifically told him I didn't want. Jim's response? "I'd rather have things be the way they are than not be with you at all."

I just couldn't.

I guess I did learn to better set some boundaries before someone gets comfortable with what they think I want.

Let's be real, dudes.

My takeaway for you ladies looking for cute boys is to just do your thang the way you do. Whether you're pursuing or being pursued, and whether you're forging physical connections or emotional ones, you do you.

Until next time,
Elizabeth