WTCBA: Week in Review

It was a mild but groundbreaking over here at #WTCBA. Let's review.

The 'Where the Cute Boys At' team made a triumphant return to Geeks Who Drink pub quiz at The Holiday Club. Markedly smaller crowd than the week before with an unacceptable of cute boy: me ratio (zero cute boys for every one of me). There was, however, a Backstreet Boys sing-along, so it wasn't all bad.

Thursday night we broke some ground at Vinyl, Highline, and Shamrock Club (not counting our scouting of Three Dots and Untitled - where there were zero prospects - better luck next time.)

We spent most of our time at Vinyl toying with how-old.net, where we learned that we look like 54 year men. With this sudden identity change, we ventured over to farmersonly.com to see what we could find. Thankfully, Farmers Only requires no proof of land ownership. Or identity verification. Or profile photos. Or even a username. Way to allow for open access to love, Farmers Only.

Thursday was also the test run of my new personal cards. I have yet to learn the correct finesse for distributing the cards (i.e. not panicking and accidentally dropping said personal card into a cute guy's beer), but considering I've already gotten some cute boys a' textin' from the cards, I'm calling early success.

The C in WTCBA was all about Cuties on Friday night, with our number one cutie being Ben Gibbard. Thumbs down to no one standing/dancing/singing at that concert, but thumbs up to Ben for the deep cuts from We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes.

 Saturday night we learned to appreciate the joys of rich people and their rooftops, of PB&Js at the Boiler Room, and of indoor waterfalls at the Owl. Were the cute boys at any of these places? Nope. Or if they were, they were too much of pansies to came say hello and instead just stared from afar at Emporium. BOYS. If I can throw one of my dating cards into your beer, you can come over and say hello. Start up a conversation about how adorbz Jean Claude Van Damme used to be. Challenge me to a game of pinball. But for heaven's sake, don't just stand there. You're useless like that.

Jean Claude Van Damme would give me his number and then text me about gender roles in martial arts films.

I expect better this week, Cute Boys. Once again, we have gathered more evidence to disprove the theorem of "putting yourself out there = cute boys asking for your number." 12 bars, 1 concert, 2 parties, ZERO CUTE BOYS.

WTCBA: Week in Review

Boys Boys Boys

This was a particularly successful week for Where the Cute Boys At. Let’s review:

Where were the cute boys at this week?

Holiday Club (4000 N Sheridan Rd)

Holiday Club was graced with more than one of us, more than once this week. We started off the week at Geeks Who Drink on Tuesday night. The plan was to impress all the cute boys with our knowledge, but instead we ended up with this:

"Super Smash Bros" is the new "IDK"

 A shoutout to Quiz Master Andy for asking all the cute boys to raise their hands for us. We appreciate your commitment to the cause, and you can be sure we’ll be back again.

But wait, there’s more! We returned Thursday evening for Rat Pack Comedy/Blackhawks Playoffs game. There were some cuties present at comedy night, and we even talked to one. That’s right. My confidence-lacking, introverted self went up to a cute boy and said, “hi.” After that the anxiety took over and I might have asked if he likes pickles. Strangely enough, he politely excused himself a minute later and then avoided eye contact when he left the bar. Oh well. Any man of mine needs to share my pickle enthusiasm anyway. 

At this point, suffering just enough rejection and witnessing a miserable Hawks game, it was a good time to close out tabs and head out the door. But as we switched from the back bar to the front, we were confronted with a sea* of boys. (There were three. Maybe four). We stayed, and it was well worth it. We made a new friend, we did blueberry bombs, we danced, we gave out our numbers, and we kissed some boy. Just one. SUCCESS.

The Red Line:

Shout out to all of the cute boys reading on the red line this week. Keep it literary.

Map Room:

This night went off the rails. We had a plan. We had stops to make. We had boys to find. But Map Room came with seemingly hundreds of National Geographics, some good tunes, and…. bartenders that gave us a lot of free shots. We’ll hit up the rest of Bucktown soon, but Map Room + cute bartenders + free shots is an equation for success. Special thanks to the Tamale Guy. I would not have survived the last shot of the night without you. 

A hero among men

Two observations from Friday night’s debauchery:

1. If I do a shot of Malort, it means that I am already drunk and am trying to impress you, and if I’m trying to impress you, that means I think you are cute. Cute boys of Chicago: please file that for later. If any girl voluntarily drinks a shot of that vile mosquito repellent, you better A.) Get her a glass of water and B.) marvel her beauty, grace, and charm.
2. Flirting with the bartender is an intricate game. I’m not new to this one, but generally, the cute bartender just wants to you tip well and maybe check out your butt. Keep a weather eye for cues otherwise, but you must usually prepare yourself for that awkward “it’s closing time, please leave and do not wait for me” conversation. Sometimes, however, that conversation doesn’t happen. Sometimes you may stay at the bar after close. Relish those nights. Raise a glass to your youth and take a bow. 
   
   
   
   
   That's all for now, folks. 
   
   
   Have suggestions for where to meet the cute boys? Leave your tips in the comments.